Irritations
Irritations
(Inspired by all curmudgeons but mainly Andy Rooney)I wrote this in 2006 and updated it a little in 2015.
I miss Andy Rooney on Sixty Minutes, my favorite curmudgeon, and have read three of his books. I’d say I agree with him 80% of the time on the big and little issues he likes to tackle. Since he points out a lot of things in life that irritate him, I thought I take this gloomy Wednesday after Christmas to follow his lead.
Cell phones – I don’t hate cell phones, but I don’t need one. I especially worry about people driving with them and me being in the car they are going to slam into because their conversation has taken over the part of their brain that should be focused on “How’s My Driving.” I actually had a “guest” for a holiday dinner who spent a good twenty minutes upon arrival and about the same time upon leaving chatting with her adult (over 30) daughter, who she promised she would let know she had arrived safely, was ready to depart, and then would call the moment she got home. Creates a lot of unnecessary stress, I think, and certainly it was rude enough that I’m not interested in inviting her for another dinner. Makes you wonder how those folks made it across the country in those covered wagons without Verizon, doesn’t it. (Updated January 30, 2013 - please don't invite me to your house for dinner if you only plan on talking to your cell phone. Hello!) Please don't accept an invitation to go to the theatre with me if you are planning to spend much of the time staring at your phone.
Cheap tippers – I get embarrassed when I go out to dinner with a group of friends who have incomes far above average Americans who make deciding a tip for the waiter or waitress equivalent to a major stock transaction. You know the type, they bring out their little calculators and figure in things like who had two drinks, and who didn’t have dessert.
Drug wars – Not what you think here. I’m not talking about concerns in Columbia. I’m talking about our elders who sit around talking for hours on ends about the pills they are popping, the dosages, the side effects, the costs of these drugs. I do think people need to be concerned about pharmaceuticals, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that I’d like to know about a good book they’ve read, a movie worth seeing, or one idea they’ve had this year rather than hear their pill woes. (Now I am an elder and I am making a real effort not to talk about medical issues. Stell likes to quote an old colleague who says, "No one else can feel your pain.")
Diet proselytizing- Definitely I’m not interested in knowing who’s a vegetarian, vegan, carnivore, SouthBeach, Northbeach, Atkins, CarbsYes, or CarbsNo follower. I think people should find the diet that works for them, follow it, and not hold a diet revival every time they are with friends. The proselytizing drives me to want to gulp down a thick juicy hot-pink rare steak and salted oily fries with a tall ice-cold mug of lager.
Petty personality preoccupations – Finally I’d really like to see people try and focus on “the work” and not the petty nuances of personalities. If one half the time that is spent by employees talking about the personality quirks of their co-workers could be devoted to actually doing their jobs, productivity might take a hell of a leap in this country. Lou Dobbs could probably quit worrying about the Chinese competition. I like the insight from Socrates that great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, and weak minds talk about people.
Robo calls - I've won so many cruises I am adrift. People want to sell me a security system, a green septic tank, a police officers' bumper sticker, and necklaces with emergency buttons. Almost daily someone who never identifies themselves calls to talk about my "credit" scores. And now I'm dealing with Jodie Hice wanting me to participate in his telephone conferences in which I can only hear him and "his people", but I am muted. No thanks, JH! I don't want a lecture. I want a dialogue.
Next time, I’ll write about people who dilly-dally in the shower too long, and people who are too lazy to use grocery bags that can be recycled. Also, I find it really annoying when somebody calls me and they ask me “can I hold” more than Sears or the people I need to check my cable connection.
Margherita Cilantro Foustanella
Get a Grip!
posted by Margaret Holt | 8:55 AM
1 Comments:
Southern Seen - Larry McGehee
Benighted Public Teeth-Picking and Nit-Picking
August 8, 2005
Back in 1954, Mary Gamewell Hale recalled life with her father, "Uncle Gus" Gamewell, who taught Latin at Wofford College until he died at age 90 in 1940. As head of the Lyceum Program, Gamewell entertained in their home.
When "that most charming gentleman", lecturer Hamilton Wright Mabie, dined with them on his first visit, the young Miss Gamewell, then 19, was told to "hand Mr. Mabie the toothpicks." "When I did so he took a toothpick, put it in his pocket and looked up at me in a quizzical manner; his smile said, 'You poor benighted child!' I never again offered toothpicks to a guest."
Seeing people leaving restaurants with toothpicks in their mouths would send my late mother-in-law (something of an aristocrat, having worn the Hope Diamond at a Washington dinner) into apoplexy. This disdain has been passed on to my wife, along with other peeves, most of which I share. Among them are:
- people asking people they phone to "hold while I see who is calling",
- people talking on cell phones while driving with one hand,
- 6:00 p.m. phone calls from salespersons,
- "your call is important to us" on-hold recordings that last 15 minutes,
- drivers cruising slowly left in the passing lanes of four-lane interstates,
- stop-lights that are red for four minutes and green for 15 seconds,
- non-handicapped people parking in handicapped spaces,
- parents shouting at and slapping their children while shopping,
- Kleenex in the grocery 1/2-mile from the pharmacy in discount stores;
- impossible-to-open plastic wrapping on CDs and tools;
- people chewing gum in choirs and at funerals and weddings,
- postmasters playing anti-government radio shows full blast while customers wait for government-issued stamps,
- television baseball announcers who talk too much,
- inexplicable definitions of "balk" in baseball,
- embellished off-key renderings of the national anthem at sports events,
- repetitive use of "you know" by interviewed college athletes,
- incomprehensible medical bills from doctors and hospitals,
- two-year-old magazines in waiting rooms,
- having to fill out information forms on every visit to the doctor's office,
- the demise of symphony orchestras and of bottled fountain pen ink,
- wedding invitations not using engraved type,
- machine-addressed invitations instead of hand-written ones,
- weddings on days other than Saturdays,
- contemporary music in a Book of Common Prayer wedding,
- improper use of "I" instead of "me" (as in "Dad gave John and I a car"),
- newspapers delivered in plastic bags with the end left open in the rain,
- misspelled words in newspaper articles,
- men wearing baseball caps while seated at dinner,
- people leaving their spoons in their bowls after finishing their soups,
- plastic utensils and Styrofoam plates in seated restaurants,
- the price of popcorn and soft drinks at movies,
- seedless watermelons.
These are things that matter, and these are matters we could control.
Other folks may be irked by the price of gasoline, the war in Iraq, the loss of manufacturing plants and jobs to foreign countries, congressional partisanship, Supreme Court nominees, government subsidies of large corporations, presidential press secretary double-talk, environmental apathy, religious fanaticism, declining support of public schools, or gerrymandering congressional districts. But those are things about which "We, the People" of the general public do not much care, because we are too far away from their causes to do anything about them. We might as well try to stop volcanoes from erupting in Hawaii.
But popcorn, cell phones, driving and marrying and shopping practices, and seedless watermelons? They may seem to be the lowest-common-denominator price of democracy that we pay for living together in cities and in the 21st Century, but they also are irritating flies in the ointment of civilization.
Years ago, writers such as James Fenimore Cooper and Alexis de Tocqueville (whose 200th birthday was in late July) pondered whether democracy in America would pull culture and learning downward or whether the American people could rise en masse to educated civil greatness. Sometimes it seems we are not climbing upward at all, but are doomed to circle forever, like NASCAR racers going nowhere for eternity. Living low-style is not living well.
comments: mcgeheelt@wofford.edu
copyright 2006, Wofford College, SC
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