Adult Education Classes for Men

Sent to me by my friend, Iris -

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN ATTHE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY November 3rd, 2006NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULT LEVELOF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with SlidePresentation.Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?Round Table Discussion.Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat andAvoid ing The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The KitchenSink?Examples on Video.Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginningat 7:00 PM

Class 6Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.Help Line Support and Support Groups.Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The RightPlacesAnd Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.Open Forum .Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.Graphics and Audio Tapes.Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While! She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations.4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing .Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping CompanionRelaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversariesand Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.Live Demonstration.Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. !

Pig Roast

Burnie Moore Guidelines for a Pig Roast

Regards the pig:
1. get pig from Gold Kist or local butcher; about 100-125 pounds; usually comes as whole pig, with/without head, skinned and flat out so that it can be placed on racks for cooking
2. set up fire pit and cooking pit (two separate but close by sites); build fire with hardwood for making coals, also get several bags of charcoal; set up cooking pit with rectangle of concrete blocks, 2 high, closed end for controlling draft
3. locate racks for placing pig and being able to turn/flip pig to cook on both sides
4. start fire 2 hours before beginning to cook so as to have lots of coals for cooking
5. pig cooking takes about 2-4 cases of beer and 10 hours; run heat up to 165 degrees (check with meat temp guage) for 20 minutes toward end of cooking time;
6.baste pig with vinegar/salt solution then top off with bbq sauce last hour
7. chop up of leave on large plate (or board with cover) for "picking the meat"

Need helpers to flip pig about every 15-20 minutes for even cooking and basting thus reason for BEER to keep helpers happy and loose; stories told and helpers keep each other from falling into fire pits; lots of fun; some helpers are wasted by the time pig is served so there is more for everyone else. Place wasted helpers near tree for sleeping and so that they are not trampled during the feasting.

Total cost estimate about $150 for pig, $50 for charcoal; $10 for basting liquids; $60 for beer; $10,000 plus for burned up sheds, buildings, and disturbances to nearby neighborhoods (depends on tolerance of neighbors and proximity to out building).

anti-epiphanies

From Maxine Combs story in the Autumn 1991, Vol. L, No. 1 Habersham Review – “Buildings” - anti-epiphanies – those moments of darkness when nothing occurs. P. 32