Charm

The Importance of Charm

If you consider your family and friends, would you not agree some are “charming” and some are not?  I don’t know the rationale for these characterizations precisely, but I do know I value a certain kind of charm.  I thought about this yesterday when I had a lunch with my former major professor, Curtis Ulmer.  Many people I know put him in the charming category – a few do not, but the vast majority do.  If you have the fortune to live into your ninth decade, there obviously will be some outliers. 

I thought about “charm” because today I’m going to a dissertation defense that yet again confirms the relationship between wealth (SES) and longevity.  I believe in social determinants of health and climate change, so I didn’t need a dissertation to prove the relationship, but I am grateful for the rigor of this study as yet another confirmation.  What I think is needed is a study of the relationship of charm to longevity. 

Do charming people live longer and happier?  I would hypothesize that they do.  Why?  They have always valued positive relationships with lots of other people.  As most age, they find they need the attention and assistance of others more.  It’s just the way it is.   In their earlier days they have track records of giving and relating to others in charming ways.  Curtis is not the only person I know who is older and charming, but I do know some who are older and not so pleasant. 

Message:  If you are aging (and you are) practice being charming.  It may add years to your life. 

If you are an academic, you are going to ask me for my operational definition of charming (or charm).  I’m working on it. 

Dear M,

In regard to charm, I'm with the Barrie play where the leading character

says of charm 'If a woman has charm she doesn't need anything else and

if she doesn't have it nothing else matters.  My opinion at this point in my

life is that charm is a gift like blue eyes or an ear for music. It is a genetic gift.

The hall mark of charm  for me( and certainly curtis has it) is that

it touches everyone, children, old people, friends, crashing bores and

everyone else.  In my long life I've met perhaps a half dozen people

who had the gift and I'm grateful to have known that many.

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Your email gave me pause to think of the elderly people I know who are charming. I know several, and I do believe Dr.Oliver is one of them. Our brother-in-law in Grand Junction will be 94 this September and, in spite of his conservative proclivities, he is quite charming, always greeting me with a smile and a "Hello, Beautiful."
In a novel I read a few weeks ago, a character was talking about flirting, her point being that the first purpose of flirting is not about what you, the flirtatious ones, gets from flirting . . .  It's about how you make the other person feel. If they flirt back, it's about making you feel good about yourself.
I think also of babies who will return a smile and hold your gaze and possibly babble away to entertain you with their charming antics, again- making you feel good and happy. 

Look forward to seeing your definition.

Julie