Margaret Was Right

An Email Exchange Between College Friends From the 60s

Part I

Margaret’s message to Steve Tiger, David Heath, Julie Bailey and Jon Shafer on Sunday, June 24^th:

How sad to see the Spring 2012 Ohio Northern University Journal (alumni magazine) with a cover story about the chapel and no mention of Udy, King, the bench dedication.  I'm really disappointed.

One would think by now the administration would take pride in what happened during the civil rights era.  They seem to remain immersed in revisionist history.  I really expected one of the photos to be of the bench and at least a line or two about those most meaningful days.  M

I hope you four are well.  I had a major encounter with hornets in my garage on Thursday, and I'm just beginning to "look as normal as I can look."  Stell's in Greece and I'm having a few friends over for dinner.  Wish you were all closer! 

Part II

David’s reply Sunday night to Margaret’s message copied to Jon, Steve, and Julie

I noticed the same thing when I saw the article. Sad.

Part III

Jon’s reply Monday morning, copied to David, Julie and Steve

Yes, it's sad, so what are we going to do about it?  I'm going to the ONU Homecoming this Fall, as is Tom Mattson, and I'm planning on writing the new President a letter before asking for an appointment that weekend to talk with him.  I'll outline the real history that is missing, and make some suggestions.  Want to join me?  Jon

Part IV

Margaret’s Monday reply to Jon, copied to Julie, David, and Steve

Jon, remind me of the homecoming date, please.  I don't know if I can be in Ada, but I would not hesitate to be a part of a "statement"  or "conversation" with the new President.  What I feel is in the article that can be downloaded at this site:  http://www.nifi.org/news/news_detail.aspx?progID=&workID=19164&catID=19164&itemID=19105 (this also includes David's letter).  I personally have no desire to aggravate old wounds.  My desire would be to highlight the work of James Udy and focus attention on the civil rights events that occurred at Ohio Northern University - that is, recognize in this dramatic time in history there were people and actions at ONU that demonstrated a commitment to "faith" and a regard for equality, social justice, and human dignity.  To write a story about the ONU chapel and miss this critical time is discouraging.   M

Part V

Steve’s message to Margaret and David, Jon, Julie, Monday morning, June 25^th

Well, at least you guys actually read the article; I must say all I usually read are the Class Notes and Obits!

Ironically, I was thinking about King and that era yesterday during the Gay Pride parade.  The Parade has become much more "corporate" over the years and much less political, with  lots of companies having floats or marching contingents - BofA, Wells Fargo, Google, alcohol brands, etc.  It's very strange to contemplate that I remember when the biggest contingents in the parade were fighting for the rights of Gay teachers (1978) and AIDS support groups, and now the biggest contingent is Marriage rights groups (yeah!) and Google!  (That's not a poke at Google; it was just weird that Google had the largest contingent of marchers, and probably the youngest and richest!)

But very close to the start of the parade, a group 30 or so Occupy people entered and sat down for 5 minutes in front of the TV camera, chanting about Corporations.  Most of us were bored and ,"come on, move along,  you're wrecking the parade." 

Now  not to get into a discussion of Occupy here (or at least the particularly obnoxious part of some Occupy protests last year made a mess of Oakland's already batter0ed finances) but I  thought, "Hmmm, five minutes of delay to remind people that a lot of these corporations are not exactly a "friend" to most people . . ."  And I thought of bus boycotts and sit ins. The folksong "It Isn't Nice" (Phil Ochs?) came into my head.

So I'd be happy to sign  any letters (I wonder if Robbie noticed the omission?), and  would love to be a fly on the wall when John Shafer and Tom Mattson meet with the President!

I was thinking about you,  David and Margaret,  the other day, Andrew died 7 years ago June 19th and I was just thinking about "the past" - not depressingly, just remembering.  David, a few weeks ago during cleaning out stuff I came across the tshirt Andrew wore when we met you at South Street - the one with all the Broadway show logos on it.

Currently, I am trying not to, as a friend says, "lounge too hard" these days,  I've been "retired" since May 11th, and basically feel like I'm just unwinding from 12 years of that 120-miles-a-day commute. Sometimes I don't move the car for three or four days.  Part-time work and volunteering soon, but right now it's just great to take walks in Golden Gate Park and then reading and naps on the couch in the afternoon.  And getting $20 Rush tickets to the Symphony weekday matinees.  (I can't wait for those 65-and-older discounts!)

Yes, really wish you were closer.  Sigh . . . .

Love,

Steve

Part VI

Margaret’s Message to Steve, copied to David Monday afternoon

Steve, it just seems impossible that seven years have gone by since Andrew passed away.  Have you ever written formally or informally the story of Andrew and you?  I get moved every time I think of you in that hospital, the probability that Andrew "Tiger" might be your nephew, the conversation with the nun, and what the first moments in his room must have been like - the relationship with his foster parents, the joys and sorrows, the humor, the pride, his meeting your father, your relationship with your sister - and more and more and more.  I think about you making your apartment accessible to him, the trips you took together, his love of theatre, your introducing him to opera.   Even if you don't feel compelled to write it for publication for the masses, I so wish you would write it for us.  The story would be such wonderful theatre, and Andrew I believe would have loved the idea.  So while you are lounging, give this some consideration.  Love, M  I'm copying this to David so he might apply some pressure as well.  

Part VII

David’s Message to Steve, copied to Margaret Monday afternoon

Andrew was indeed a special kid. I so enjoyed our day or so together in New York. I especially have fond memories of seeing Bernadette Peters in "Gypsy" and Andrew getting her autograph out in Shubert Alley after the show. As I've told you many times in the past, I was so totally wrong when I told you to stay the hell away from the kid and never reveal your true relationship. The years you spent truly his uncle were formative for both you and Andrew. It was a blessing to you both.

You should write it all down. 

Now that you're retired, your mind will start to go and your memories will become blurry. You better start writing today. Right now! Before you forget everything as you watch reality TV and eat pork rinds and drink cheap beer all day. As one of your closest friends, I urge you to get it all down in memoir form while you still can.

In all seriousness, Steve, I really think Margaret is right (and how many times have you heard me say that!!??).

Part VIII

Julie’s response to Steve’s message, copied to Jon, David and Margaret (Keep in mind she hasn’t seen the messages VI and VII in between)

I always appreciate an update on your lives, my beloved friends. 

As I sit here on this warm Colorado summer day with fires still raging in about 8 or 9 places, I long for an opportunity to raise a cool brew with you gathered around some table. I will embrace that if only figuratively with this brief email.

Steve, congratulations on your retirement. It won't be long and you will probably find yourself busier than before -- and without that horrid commute! I cannot imagine you not taking the time now to write something new and significant, speaking of which . . . Andrew's life was truly a blessing. Even after 7 years, those great memories must come back at surprising moments. Is it time to write that memoir?

Jon, I, too would not mind being "fly on the wall" when you and Tom meet with the president. Godspeed your intent and presence. 

David, I have to share a moment from yesterday's church service at FUMC in Castle Rock -- our special music was our guitarist (along with banjo and mandolin accompaniment) singing Dan Fogelberg's "Longer Than." Usually heard nowadays only at weddings and perhaps only when the 60 -something dad thinks to use it for the father-daughter dance, this song provided a nice spin on God's love. And our minister (who adamantly adheres to "separation of church and state" by displaying the American flag only in the foyer and only on the weekends near American holidays) gave the final message based on Desmond Tutu's book, Made for Goodness. I find the book's emphasis on "Original Blessing" over original sin affirming.  Wouldn't we all?

Happy trails to all . . . and margaret, may Greece be as wonderful as always.

Love and light,

Julie

P.S. have I ever thanked you all for taking this often-too-complacent, formerly-Republican farm girl with you on your (ahem) elder years journey? I do. From the bottom of my heart. 

Part IX

Sent by Steve Monday night, June 25, 2012, to Margaret and David

Margaret and David,

You know, you may just be onto something.  And I'd hate to have your "Margaret is right" go to waste, David!

Coincidentally, I had an experience Saturday that dove tails with the idea of writing.  I haven't been back to Beach Blanket Babylon, BBB, (the big hats) without Andrew.  But at the Gay Pride Fair on Saturday I was on my way out and decided to check out one little section I hadn't seen.  And BBB had a booth there.  I walked past, "no, not in  the mood",  but something told me to go back.  And there was Russ, the House Manager, who I always thought was pretty stuffy.  But he hugged me and kept saying how thrilled he was to see me; I'd never seen him smile so much.  We talked and he was offended when I said I'd almost walked past.  He insisted it was time I came back and to be sure to call him for tickets.  As I left he was insistent, "You call me, you have to come back, everyone will be thrilled."

As I left, the other booth worker, a new hire, said "I  think I missed something", and Russ shook his head, smiled and said, "let me tell you a story . . ."

I'd gone through June 19th without a lot of feelings, but leaving the fair I felt scooped out, emptied, and in rushed all these Andrew memories, feelings.  I walked in the Park, listened to a little Broadway on my Zen mp3, and just let Andrew flow through me.  (Oddly enough, I ended up listening to Simon and Garfunkel's Greatest Hits, and that music somehow fit very well.)

Anyway, what I realized was that Russ was happy to see me because I brought back the feelings that Andrew seemed to create around him.  That whole "Gesamtkunstwerkt" of his personality, courage, enthusiasm and flair.  And that I was part of that . . . a midwife maybe . . . lol.

So, in the "immortal" words of that Jane Oliver song, walking in the park I felt "happy kind of sad".  And a great deal of gratitude, for great memories, for the opportunity to help  create those experiences, for Andrew and others.

My recent classical music concerts haven't been exactly light - two great Shostakovich symphonies, and two performances of Bartok's "Bluebeard's Castle" (superb, but the last words are "now darkness will reign forever."); so Andrew and Broadway was a great change of pace!

And today I listened to "Sweeney Todd" for the first time in years; grinning from ear to ear. I can't count how many times I  listened/watched that with Andrew.

David, I guess "The Glee Project" does sort of count as "reality TV", but rumors that I'm eating Pork Rinds are slanderous!

Thanks for the push, encouragement, we shall see,

Much  love,

Steve